![]() The overall lack of description makes it impossible for me to connect with the world in the story. The hotel room in the opening scene is barely described at all. All we are told is that it’s a hotel, it’s in Alaska, and it’s shaped like a T. ![]() The dialogue also oftens sound stiff and forced, and “as you know, Bob…” statements crop up from time to time.įinally, the story is without context or setting. Avoiding “said” is another beginner mistake and a *major* pet peeve of mine. ![]() Instead we get “comment”, “confirm”, “add”, “purr”, "direct", "observe", etc., and also non-dialogue tags misused as tags, such as “smile”, “snigger”, and “clears his throat”. ![]() The author very rarely uses “said’ – or in this case “say” – as a dialogue tag. The story is also written in the first person, and “I” and “my” are grossly overused (a common pitfall for beginning writers). I’ve only read one novel ("The House of Sand and Fog" by Andre Dubus) that used the present tense well, but in all the others, including this one, I found it awkward and distracting. The story is written in the present tense, which made it a chore to read. I’m sorry to have to give this such a low rating, but I really wasn’t impressed by this excerpt. However, this was a DNF for me, so I wouldn’t have finished the entire novel even it were available. Disclaimer: This review is based upon the 13,000 word free excerpt posted on the author’s web site. ![]()
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